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today i melted margarine in a bowl in the microwave. it melted, i took it out of the microwave, it was too fast, and ended up spilling directly down my shirt. it hurt. a lot.
a good friend recently asked me what events i would have in my own personal thriathlon - what three things i really enjoy doing and am good at. after careful consideration, i decided that my events would be:
1. thrift-store shopping
2. laughing
3. cuddling
i love summer. it is...
glorious time outside
walking along the beach with friends
refreshing alone time on the beach with a good book
fast, sweaty walks with zinni...then cool, refreshing showers (without zinni)
yummy, fresh veggies from the farmer's market
camping trips
blueberries, strawberries, raspberries...lots of berries
ice cream...especially when it's peppermint patty ice cream in saugatuck
sunsets that are so beautiful that i have to stop driving and pull over so i can watch them
i've been hanging out in the calvin library all day and am badly in need of a study break. i can only spend so long trying to understand fluid and electrolyte balance before i need a break. it's something i've never understood very well, so studying it is an especially hard (and essential!) task.
i wonder how many hours i have spent in this library. probably not as many as i should have (otherwise i might have a better understanding of fluids and electrolytes)...
today i realized that coming to the library is a bit like going back in time for me. i almost forget that i'm not a student anymore. that i no longer live on the mosaic floor, or at koinonia, or peniel. i have fleeting thoughts of "i should probably head to class soon...". out of habit, i scan the study areas looking for familiar faces despite the fact that almost all of them have moved away. i expect to run into peter somewhere around here because that's just what used to happen.
i never really liked studying at the library. it was too boring, quiet, usually cold, and not a beautiful place. but i think there's a part of it that feels like home to me. i've thought a lot of thoughts in this place, drank a lot of tea and coffee, taken off my shoes here (because it's just easier to study without shoes on), tried to laugh quietly, given and gotten a lot of hugs, taken naps in this place, and even cried here. i never thought i would say that the calvin library is a beautiful place, but today i think that it is.
today i...
did the usual AND
made paper
went roller-blading at riverside park
created a mosaic out of modeling clay and colorful beads
for some reason felt inspired to write a book someday
talked to some really nice strangers
got a brand new mattress which i will sleep on tonight
yippee.
the enormous bouquet of flowers decorating my dining room table, my dress pants folded over my desk chair, the memorial service programs sitting on my coffee table, the photo collage i made for the visitation yesterday... they are all reminders that my grandpa has died.
not that i need reminders...it is not easy to forget what it feels like to be with someone you love when they die. or the awe that comes in being present with someone as they leave this earth and enter into the presence of God. or the relief that comes after watching a faithful follower of Christ transition to eternal life after a month of physical decline.
i am thankful that while it is hard to forget that he died, it is most hard to forget that he lived. and he lived well. many knew him as a pastor, preacher, church leader, author...but i knew him as my dear grandpa. a grandpa who showed me love since i was born, baptized me, wrote prayers for me, made us laugh, and told me over and over again how much he loved me and how proud of me he was.
it is hard to remember that he won't be there when i go to see grandma. that his big chair will be empty. that he won't be a part of family gatherings anymore. that his new book is going to come out in two weeks and he will not be there to hold it in his hands. there is reason for sadness.
there is also reason to rejoice because - as my grandpa knew and firmly believed - "we shall not all sleep, but we will all be changed, in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet; for the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed...thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!" (I Cor. 15).
and that's not easy to forget either. but i'm gonna miss my grandpa.
oh my goodness, i just applied for a nursing job.
wow - i love lilacs. they are my favorite flowers by far. perhaps that is partially because, unlike roses, daisies, etc... they are not available to be purchased all throughout the year. instead, their fleeting springtime presence must be savored while it lasts. it makes them so much more special and gift-like.
the warmth and sunshine of today flooded my mind with summer memories. i always love the beginning of summer most - when it is still a novelty - it's fun to not take it for granted for a little while.
my herbs are thriving in their wooden box on the front porch. i've been pampering them by moving them inside in the evening...but soon they will have to face the realities of the world and start spending the night on the front porch...no more heating lamp or heating pad.
if you've talked with me or seen me at all in the past ten or so days, you know that i've been down in the dumps...some of the dumpiest dumps i've ever been in. this morning i decided that after 11 am (work), i was going to spend the rest of the day doing things that i enjoy, which did not completely get me out of the dumps, but was a good decision. today i...
- transferred my herbs to the wonderful wooden box peter made for them
- visited two thrift stores
- made approximately 24 cups of strawberry jam
- baked zucchini bread (almost forgot to put the zucchini in...)
- spent some time on the front porch with my neighbors
- made sun tea
- had a new friend over to join us for our thursday night tv show
- went to sleep with the window open...well...that's what i'm about to do.
goodnight.
i usually love the distinct and lively atmosphere of my neighborhood...especially in the springtime. today that lively atmosphere was especially distinct...
this afternoon i innocently walked into the kitchen to feed zinni. grateful for the beauty of this earth day afternoon, i glanced out the window into my neighbor's backyard and was met with...a penis...with a man attached to it.
just a few short hours later, sarah and i were sitting in our living room, enjoying the warm breeze wafting through the windows and the joyful sounds of a neighborhood that has come back to life after a long winter. there are plenty of signs of spring out of our front windows - kids on bikes, stiff people walking even stiffer dogs, the rosebushes our neighborhood drug dealer planted across the street -- oh, and of course the sight of our neighbors bumping and grinding to "ambitionz az a ridah" by 2Pac in their front yard.
i love seeing people out and about...but do they really have to be that OUT and ABOUT?
zinni came home with me one year ago today. and what a year it has been...
today i...
was stung by a wasp
had chocolate fondue with good friends
was anxious to know
took a walk
ran out of coffee
ranted and raved a little
saw a dead squirrel up close (a lot closer than i wanted)
used two bobby pins to hold my hair back because it's long enough
played with play-doh
zinni...she's quite the party animal, and she really is an animal
i sometimes find the gray, snowy mornings of michigan to be beautiful, but more often they seem mundane, depressing, and tiresome. there are many times when i would gladly give them up for warm, sunny, blue-sky days.
today, however, i am recognizing that maybe they are worth it. without those days, i would not find so much joy in the spring-time presence of people mingling on the street corners, walking their dogs, sitting on their porches. i would not marvel every morning at the simple fact that i get to see light before i go to work. i would not take such pleasure in wearing fewer layers or lighter shoes. i would not find such glorious delight in seeing GREEN things. i would not take a good look at the robin hopping around on the nearby grass as i wait as a stoplight. i would not realize how much i have missed camping trips, outings to lake michigan, neighborhood cookouts, campfires in mom and dad's backyard.
without those gray, snowy mornings...green things, sunshine, and neighbors would be part of every day and i probably would not find myself longing for those things as i do in the middle of winter. it could be nice to have sunshine, warmth, green things every day, but i think that maybe it is nicer to be given the joy of rejoicing every year when spring is faithfully and lovingly given to us once again.
i've been thinking about how we (as people making up a city/country/some of the world) live, and continuing to wonder about things.
i mean, every morning, most of us wake up to one of the most annoying and unnatural sounds in the world...the beeping of an alarm clock. we finally get out of bed after bribing ourselves with thoughts of a mug of tea or coffee and/or a hot shower...things many of us are dependent on in the morning. in the winter, we get out of bed in the dark, drive to work in the dark, and leave work after the sun has set for the day...seeing very little, if any, of the sun. we spend most of the day sitting in a desk chair...so on our way home from work we stop at the gym to exercise in a room filled with machines. when we get home, we fill our stomachs with food that was overly processed without giving a thought to the people who worked hard to bring that food to our table or the things that were added to it that we would be better off not eating. then, we sit in front of the television and watch other people live lives that don't actually exist. we clothe ourselves without thinking of the very real people who actually sewed the sleeves onto our t-shirts. we are constantly tense and we frequently complain about all of the stress in our lives.
with that lifestyle comes clean drinking water, technological advances, growth in the field of medicine, etc... but is it worth it? without all of those advances, lifespans would probably be shorter, but would it be worth living shorter lives if it meant that every morning we could wake up because the sun came up and not because our alarm clock was beeping? if we got our exercise by working outside instead of sitting in a chair all day? if we knew where our food and clothing came from because we made them ourselves? if we weren't always running through our to-do lists, but were able to "just be" more of the time?
that's a tough one. and how do WE (to the extent that we are able) NOT live the way "most of us" live in the very-real midst of the people who make up that "most of us"?
A greenhouse in my very own living room...
Grow, grow, grow, little buggers.
Tonight I almost rescued a dog. But...only almost.
I am now becoming a blogger. This is good, I think.
Today I will tell you that I am growing herbs. This is pretty exciting. I planted them on Saturday and have been eagerly (and impatiently) waiting for them to pop through the soil to show that I really did plant them right and they really do exist. I have been checking on them somewhat obsessively, I will admit, and when I checked yesterday afternoon before work, I saw nothing, as usual. Three hours later I came back and looked at them again and squealed because suddenly there were sprouts! There may be snow outside, but my little green herb plants are happily growing under the heating lamp inside my own living room. And green things make me happy.
