hard to forget

the enormous bouquet of flowers decorating my dining room table, my dress pants folded over my desk chair, the memorial service programs sitting on my coffee table, the photo collage i made for the visitation yesterday... they are all reminders that my grandpa has died.

not that i need reminders...it is not easy to forget what it feels like to be with someone you love when they die. or the awe that comes in being present with someone as they leave this earth and enter into the presence of God. or the relief that comes after watching a faithful follower of Christ transition to eternal life after a month of physical decline.

i am thankful that while it is hard to forget that he died, it is most hard to forget that he lived. and he lived well. many knew him as a pastor, preacher, church leader, author...but i knew him as my dear grandpa. a grandpa who showed me love since i was born, baptized me, wrote prayers for me, made us laugh, and told me over and over again how much he loved me and how proud of me he was.

it is hard to remember that he won't be there when i go to see grandma. that his big chair will be empty. that he won't be a part of family gatherings anymore. that his new book is going to come out in two weeks and he will not be there to hold it in his hands. there is reason for sadness.

there is also reason to rejoice because - as my grandpa knew and firmly believed - "we shall not all sleep, but we will all be changed, in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet; for the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed...thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ!" (I Cor. 15).

and that's not easy to forget either. but i'm gonna miss my grandpa.